Monday, October 4, 2010


So i had this idea a few years ago. I thought it would be cool to build up a '67 Galaxie 2-door hardtop that was long, low, and fast as all get out. I had a catchy little phrase; I was going to call it Fallout because "it could outrun a nuclear fallout." I thought this up because I had a mental image of the car driving around, doing cool maneuvers on tape with an older looking film feel and the song Fallout by the Police playing.
Since then, I've noticed that I don't like how swoopy the rear end of the '67 hardtop is. This created a problem, because I absolutely love the front end. I needed to find a different model year that encompassed all the awesome of the '67 (or most of it) while getting rid of that wonky rear end.
The '68 was right out for suitable replacement bodies. The '63.5 and '64 were timeless styles, but were too old for the style I want for this build concept. '65 was an awesome model with all of its straight lines and sharp angles. Pronounced lights on both ends made it still look commanding in the rear while having that aggressive, "driving force" "pushing forward" look in the front, but something about the overall package of the '65 made me feel like it was too forced and cheesy. Enter '66. This model had a more streamlined way of pronouncing the front and rear lighting and kept most of the beauty of the long, straight body lines from the '65 while adding a little bit of "new model flare". It ruined one line towards the bottom of the sides where, as it reaches back, the trajectory falls to the bottom of the body. Also, I would've liked to have the pointy grille of the '67, but that is an exclusive from that year, so I'm stuck without it or having an odd-looking back end. The '66 really is the most stunning replacement for the '67 which would be far more stunning, but I wouldn't be able to live with that rear fascia. One other thing I love about the '66 is the B-pillar and how it curves outwards as it goes down. I also love that they did that with the '66-'67 Fairlane wagons too. Really cool looking.

I just figured out how to add pictures. Epic Score!!!

So, I would take this magnificent body and make it faster than a nuclear fallout, or so the line goes. In case you haven't noticed the trend yet, I'll simplify what I would do to most cars. I would find the biggest way to bore and stroke the biggest engine they make that would fit in this (in this case a 460 made into something that starts with a 5), put on a [blower or turbo] (in this case a twin turbo system), nitrous, and hook it to a 6-speed manual. Now, normally I would continue by talking about beefing up brakes and suspension (oh, right, I'd put on some big 4-wheel disk brakes from some aftermarket place, probably Baer), but with this specific car, I would only tighten up the stance I'd presumably get it in (high, stock front and a saggy butt). Now, I can only guess what you and anybody who knows the trends in custom car stances would be saying by now, "What are you smokin'? When does that ever sound like a good idea!?!" Just hear me out. Assuming I would also leave the original paint with its gloriously weathered patina, this would help tremendously with accomplishing that sleeper look. Granted, I'd make it safe and add some old school rims, but think how amazing that would be to have a barn-fresh-looking full size '60s boat pull up next to you at a light, and completely waste you? You'd have to do a triple take. Also, to go along with the boat idea, when flying down the highway, it just feels right to have it a bit pronounced in the front especially with the way that grille smiles at the cars it approaches from behind, Jaws music playing, ready to devour as it overtakes them. I think that if I made this car and passed you with it, you'd understand where the crazy idea came from. Anyway, that's basically how I'd rock that one, but I gotta get going; I have more crazy catastrophes to out run.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Pollo del Fuego

So I was talking with my roommate the other day and I realized he was wearing a black sleeveless t-shirt that had the Firebird logo on it. I made a comment about how well the car would round out his pathetically '80s vintage look, and he started to have a complete man-gasm (not my word - thanks KT) about how awesome it would be to have the car I was describing to him. I thought about the possibilities for a while after that chat, running over older car ideas I had back in high school. There's also an '80 Trans Am in that new show, the Good Guys, that I started watching on Wednesday. All this made me think that this would be a great candidate for my crappy blog, ergo, here you are reading this.

So for starters, everyone knows the best Trans Am in the history of cars is KITT ('82) followed closely by the Bandit's car ('77). I was originally going to address the second generation '70-'81 models, but I will say that the early '90s third gens are pretty awesome, and I thought they should've made a version 2.0 of KITT with an '02 Trans Am, but that's not what I came here to do today. When I was talking to my roommate, Tooley McJackbag, I was describing my ultimate parts runner, an '80 T/A T-top, matte black with a 455, 5-speed, Centerline Auto Drag wheels, drag radials, and a roll bar right behind the B-pillar. Just an average, crappy yet potent ride for everyday screwing around. I'm sure Tooley pictured it restored and far more amazing than I was, but then again, I'm sure he wants to look just like when Adam Sandler goes back to school in Billy Madison.

The second thought I had along these lines was to get an older F-bird and make it into an amazing dive-bomber with a bored and stroked 455, 6-speed, nitrous, maybe a blower, road race suspension, and a complete retro resto-mod finish inside and out so its feathers look mostly stock, but beats the heck out of anybody who dares try to snatch its eggs. I'd more than likely go with the classic black and gold or gold and black paint and decal theme. I'd probably go with one of the '74-'78 styles, but there is a little bit of me that wants a white and blue '72 with the classic Cragar SS wheels. This would eleviate the T-tops because I don't think they'd added them by that point, but any other year would definitely have them. Then there's also a little part of me that thinks I should get a '70-'76 Formula because of the awesome twin scoop, ram air-style hoods that they put on them. Th Formula looks cool, but there's more of a classic report to having a T/A. Either way, it'd be a cool, fun car to have on hand for sunny warm days in WI on those twisty roads through the hills and trees.

Side thought: How do announcers at all GM drag races keep themselves from using cock fight references every time two fire chickens come up to the line? I know I wouldn't be able to control myself...

A Note About Cars Past

I'd like to take a few moments to muse about some cars that I've used recently and am now forced to give up.

I've somewhat recently removed from my line-up a '96 Ford Windstar that I used as my daily driver for the past 9 or 10 months due to the fact that I had to haul my drums on a regular basis, and my other daily driver didn't have the ability to fit them all in as will be noted later in this post. This minivan sucked horribly, like a cheap hooker, but it had a few redeeming qualities. Clearly, these redeeming qualities didn't outweigh the crappy points, so it was relieved of its duty among my ranks. The things I liked about it are as follows: The overall size on the road was the same as the Sable I had been driving, for obvious reasons of sharing the same platform, but that caused a near seamless transition between the two cars. It didn't have the body roll of the Dodge vans I've used in the past few years. The cargo room in the back, behind the farthest seat, was the perfect space for fitting my drums which left the middle area for people or other crap. The overall shape of the van made me frequently want to do J-turns with is, but these were only allowed in Winter due to the obvious traction deterrents that made it far more effective and fun to do with people in the van. The snow tires where awesome as well, but the front ones were balding pretty bad. Which leads me to my final point, the 3.8L V6 with the Split-Port Injection had massive amounts of power, and the torque could light up the front tires liberally, at will. This made for fun driving especially when you're stopped next to punks and the light turns green.

The next car to leave me queue of driving options was our '98 Dodge Caravan, driven from June '09 - October '09. This van all around sucked. There were no redeeming traits to this van other than the fact that it didn't randomly die like the Windstar. We despised driving in this van, but I drove it because I had to. The cargo area wasn't as convenient as the Ford. It basically knelt every time your went around a curve. It burned oil. The brakes were hell. It had one cylinder with low compression, so less power than my K-car (and that had 95 hp!). It was uncomfortable, and ergonomically challenged for the driver to do anything. I drove some people to IA about a month after we got it, and weather stripping started flying off from everywhere as we drove. OK; I'll give in. It had three good qualities. It gave us some interesting stories that summer, it had two sliding doors, and it came with new tires. End.

The final car for this post is my favorite and self-proclaimed Best-Optioned First Generation Taurus, my '91 Mercury Sable that couldn't haul drums, and so we had to get rid of it. This car had everything! It had cloth bucket seats, fake wood molding, console, floor shift automatic, four-wheel disk brakes, keyless entry, fully digitized dash board and heat control, moon roof, premium sound with an aftermarket head unit (I also added new speakers in the front doors, but they came back out now for resale and will go in my Mom's '98 F-250), and the best part was that it came with a 3.8L V6. Granted, it didn't have the torquey Split-Port Injection that was on the van, but it still liked to roast the hides every now and again. That car was so much fun and handled so well; I always said that if it wasn't a Mercury, it would be a SHO. From the first months of driving it, I wanted to beef up the suspension, drop in a stick, and road race it. I loved that car. I had thought to myself years before that the finest design of Taurus, in my mind, was the '90 and '91 Sable. It was almost my Dream Taurus, but I wouldn't admit it because of the high amount of Tauri I had used in the past and how I said I didn't like driving them. One week driving my Sable, and I was brought back into the pen. This car was so sweet, but yet I had to give it up because of my drums. That and almost every sports/muscle car are lost to me because of my drums. I can't wait for the time when I can keep two cars for myself and store them in the same place while not being harassed for cluttering up someone else's driveway. Then I'm buying a Mustang, and I'm gonna make it sleek and fast. But until that day, I am stuck looking at pretty pictures of cars I can't afford and posting online about what I wish I could...

Burnout Coreagraphy Idea

Ok, so I know I'm a bit... behind on my posting, but I'll try to make it up to my two readers tomorrow some time. In the meantime, though, I had an interesting idea while watching a youtube video of a guy roasting his tires to make room for new, bigger rims to wrap around bigger brakes. For starters, you'll have to watch this video: . Notice the second try he gives his slippery driveway. How awesome would it have been to have him finish by driving into his garage, tires ablaze!?! Granted, his garage is a two-car garage, and that isn't as cool as a single, but I think that'd still be pretty freakin' sweet. Consider that now on my list of tings to do.

Put that on your rims and smoke it!

Soon to come: Marauder/Police Vic, 2g Trans Am, Fox Body Mustang, '66 Galaxie, and review of my recent cars...